Recalibrate: Transitive Verb.: to calibrate (something) again…these systems gradually drift off course so that the navigator periodically needs a fresh point of reference to calibrate the navigation system. – Merriam-Webster Dictionary
How can I recalibrate through this process?
During the first week or two of the 2020 pandemic scare that is COVID 19, I found myself listening to podcasts surrounding uncertainty, resilience, and strategies for finding a type of ground in a ground-less situation. I wanted action steps-and I wanted to provide action steps to others…concrete things to do to move through the initial sense of crisis and urgency. Many of us needed concrete external guidance. Though this can be a stressful phase, there is a “doing” about it that can allow a place for our anxious energy and thoughts to be channeled. It feels good to let energy move outward in useful ways. It can even be necessary to make it through, to cope, to find resourcing, to get to the next phase. It can literally be life-saving when the intensity is too much & we are too triggered to function. But what about over time, when things are no longer as acute, but we are left with many unknowns remaining.
The next phase is where the shock has worn off, the urgency is shifting, and the initial coping strategies we needed may not quite work as well anymore...
When, for many of us, there is less to do and more time to contemplate. When the “doing” of the old way of operating actually starts to become a way of life that gets in the way of life. The call to turn inward and reflect can be a challenge for many people. We aren’t generally encouraged to do this...it sounds contradictory, but doing less can sometimes be the hardest thing we do…because we then have space to process and feel what is happening. To be in the messy unknowns of it all. Being this aware of how alive and vulnerable we are can be frightening. But, it is also often necessary to lean into this in order to take the next step into being fully alive and learning the cues that inform our next steps.
There is a slew of mystery surrounding our future- whether in relationship to our economy, our health, the national climate, our personal relationships, our housing, our mental health, our children (or our) education, and our long-held plans or hopes about what we once knew (or thought) our life to be. It is uncomfortable…there is later stages of grief…and of course many of us tried to calibrate to external distractions (working harder, drinking more, going down rabbit holes of internet research, focusing on others, sleeping more, compulsive shopping…etc), in order to modulate our experience. It may have been a little too much to integrate at once….and perhaps still is sometimes. The avoidance of the underlying emotional impact can only last temporarily, though. Our inner guidance and compass rely on both our logic/intellect and our emotional experience in order to work properly….which integrates within our bodies/psyches. Recalibrating asks us to begin to turn towards both our internal world and the external world…to feel the ever-moving flux of emotions and rebalance with each wave. There is flexibility here….like listening to music, letting it move you, and responding with the next dance step or note. One moment at a time.
Life, at its most basic level, is ultimately an uncertain dance that we each navigate daily…
At any moment, our entire life can either bloom with an unexpected opportunity or fall apart as we watch our long-held visions crumble. Ultimately, the most control we have is in a striving to truly show up in the life that is in front of us-exactly as it is- and sometimes in our responses to what is in front of us. We can only do that if we are in touch with ourselves- able to feel the internal shifts, emotions, and sensations inside our own bodies. Oddly, actually feeling what is true for us…going through our tunnel of emotions….or riding the emotional waves as they ebb and flow…and allowing this process to happen…is the most nourishing and regulating thing we can do. We resist it because we often have a belief that if we feel anything it will get worse. It is true that it may feel intense and uncomfortable sometimes (it may even feel like parts of you are dying as old feelings shed away) but it always shifts. And this movement is what we call truly living. It is being fully alive, responsive, present. Mark Nepo, a poet and philosopher who discusses resilience, described his process of surviving cancer and learning to “tune as you go” when faced with intensity. It isn’t about always being perfectly balanced, but being flexible and re-calibrating when we notice going to extremes…whether to numbing/extreme logic or panic/overwhelm. We are constantly recalibrating, constantly re-tuning, as we return again and again to the question “What is actually true for me in this very moment, at the deepest level that I am aware of?” And give ourselves some space to be with that. To let it move through and integrate. The next step will become clear from there.
What is actually true for us is generally a whole lot more simple than our ideas, or fears…
As an example: take a minute to notice what your feet or hands feel like, then your shoulders, and perhaps your chest. Is it tight or open? Cold, warm, numb, buzzing? What is your environment like right now? Who is there? What is there? Then, tracking any bodily needs…are you hungry? Tired? Thirsty? Now track your emotions- are you lonely? Sad? Excited? Peaceful? Fearful? Something else? Many things? Now, tracking any urges you have for movement or stillness…do you feel drawn to being outside? Inside? Walking? Sitting? Laying down? And finally, tracking one or two things that you feel an urge, need, or desire to experience or think may be helpful for your experience today (talking with a friend, taking a nap, making a to-do list, some self-massage, an online boxing class, spending some time in a bath, running, etc). Don’t force this, if nothing comes to mind…stay with your experience a little longer as it is. Notice when your thoughts stray too far in the future or past, gently bring them back to this moment…right in front of you…as close to now as you can be. What is it actually like for you right now? This is your truth. It will change…dance with the change.
The recalibration process is something we do throughout our lifespan, as life is always changing and moving. There really is no solid ground. But we can learn to guide ourselves through this uncertainty. Sometimes this is a solo process as we deepen into connection within our own psyches. Other times, this is a community…or relational process…where we seek support and get closer to our truth with compassionate reflection from safe/supportive others. There is no right or wrong here.
On a final note, if you find you would like additional support with this process, please check out the following blogs that provide related resources that support finding the right balance for moving through this transitional period with support, self-compassion, and practical skills when things feel like “too much.”
Finding your Center: 10 Skills to Help your Nervous System Relax after a Trauma Trigger or Stressful Event
7 Ways to Support Wellbeing Through COVID-19
Being with Yourself: A Series on Somatic Meditation as a Resource in Therapy
And, as always, don’t be afraid to reach out for support through this time. There are various online support groups, Telehealth therapists, and resources available should you desire to deepen into this internal process. Psychology Today, Open Path, Sondermind provide access to therapists in your area. Sounds True and Tara Brach both have websites related to mindfulness and cultivating resilience as well.
Resource/References:
Nepo, M. & Simon, T. (2020): Insights on Working with Fear, Anxiety, or a Sense of Isolation. Sounds True. April 23, 2020. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HZE_3Izp-8Q
Brach,T. (2020): Facing Pandemic Fears with an Open Heart. Tara Brach: https://www.tarabrach.com
About the Author:
Aiya Staller is a Licensed Professional Counselor, Licensed Addiction Counselor, and Board Certified Art Therapist who sees private clients in Boulder, CO, while also working with various mental health organizations. She specializes in trauma treatment/resolution, body-based psychotherapy, art therapy, anxiety, and LGBTQ+ concerns. She is an artist, interested in inspiring others to connect more deeply with their authenticity and resilience.